> be me, CFO of Wolfspeed, 2021
> ”200mm SiC go brrr, we’ll print money faster than the Fed”
> drop $2 billion on Mohawk Valley fab before we can even spell “yield”
> first wafer run: 3 % yield, rest are expensive coasters
> CHIPS Act bag promised, phone on silent ever since
> German subsidy? Scholz ghosted harder than my Tinder dates
> Renesas shows up, signs $2B 10-year supply deal promise them pristine wafers by Tuesday
> ship them a pizza box of broken dreams and cracked substrates
> Renesas cancels faster than a Netflix sub after password crackdown
> stock drops faster than my will to live on earnings day
> meanwhile in China: 17 new SiC fabs built with government speedrun hacks
> BYD, Nio, XPeng all mandated to “buy local or else social credit –9000”
> our sales in China evaporate like a puddle in Shenzhen summer
> interest rates go brrrr, debt becomes a final boss
> boardroom every morning: “today we pivot to profitability” (we don’t)
> file Chapter 11 so hard the courthouse Wi-Fi lags
> bondholders demand blood, offer them a coupon for 10% off future wafers
> rename entity “Wolfdead Inc.”, ticker: $HOWL
> try to sell Mohawk Valley fab on Craigslist, category:
“haunted Fab, barely used”
> only reply is from a crypto miner wanting to farm
Dogecoin in cleanroom suits
> liquidation so brutal even the vending machine files
for protection
